Most of love songs and poems claim that their love is undying and will never change. However, experience and observation tell us that love changes as we grow older, a.
Many couples who experience that heady romantic love end up living together but barely tolerating each other’s company. They stay together because they fear that they won’t find anything better.
A few couples stay together in a lifelong loving relationship, but the nature of that love changes. The best way to illustrate this is to look at the way a couple of teenagers love each other and contrast that with the way their grandparents exhibit their love.
But there are predictable stages along the way. I have identified three and call these the Seasons of Love. They are:
- Romantic Love – The love in the songs that sweeps us off our feet.
- Working Love – The usual consequence of the first season
- Mature Love – Your opportunity to love and live on your own terms
Each one has their own qualities.
The first one is the Romantic Love that ‘comes unbidden and will not be denied’. It doesn’t need much help because nature is firing on all cylinders to get what it wants.
Working Love is a longer haul of creating a home and bringing up children, plus earning the money to pay for both. It requires skill, patience and effective communication to keep this a loving period and our high divorce rate shows that many couples can’t hack it.
Mature Love is when the fires of passion cool down and love is a more considered decision and process. We can make rational choices about our lifestyle and ‘lovestyle’. This is also the time when a midlife woman can come into her own. She has the opportunity to take leadership in her future relationships.
I talk more about these Seasons of Love in my on-line programme called How to Find Love – A guide for the Midlife Woman.
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