What do you think of Female Led Relationships?
You may or may not have heard this term before. I encountered it while creating my How to Find Love in Middle Life course. I was surprised how often the term Female Led Relationship is Googled.
The meaning of the words speak for themselves but they are easily misinterpreted. The default understanding is of a bullying wife and a hen-pecked husband who does his best to keep out of the way and avoid trouble by agreeing to anything.
Also, we often hear the expression ‘She wears the Trousers’, meaning what she says goes!
This modern definition of Female Led Relationship (FLR), as I understand it, is based on discussion and willing consent on both sides. It is agreed that the woman leads and how decisions will be made. It puts the woman very much in charge and defines roles and duties for the man.
The relationship may be formally set-up in a written or verbal agreement or may just evolve with a lot of communication as it develops. Although the obvious benefits go to the woman, it is surprising how many men are attracted by the idea of a FLR.
A common feature of FLR as portrayed on the web is that the woman uses the availability of sex as a reward or punishment to control the relationship. This may be supplemented with physical punishment and/or bondage. But here we may be moving into male desires, fantasies and mythology, rather than the woman’s choice.
According to various websites on the subject, there are varying degrees of intensity of FLR which may be agreed to. Also, some FLR relationships can be full-time and others can be part-time.
As my concern is with better relationships in middle life, I can see that Female Led Relationships could well suit midlife couples very well for several reasons.
One is that women become more independent and assertive as they move into middle life. Men on the other hand usually feel a reduction in their assertive masculine power and can become passive and irresponsible.
A second practical reason is that midlife couples do not have children around all the time and therefore have more privacy to lead a less traditional lifestyle.
The degree to which that leadership becomes ‘control’ depends of her taste and his willingness to accept that role.
It may be that FLR is just a male myth or fantasy. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. However, if this idea appeals to you in principle, it may be worth investigating and considering how some sort of FLR relationship may suit you.
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